I needed some best friend time in the worst way this weekend. As luck would have it, he had his kids until noon-ish on Saturday, so I asked if I could take them all to lunch. I mean, I needed some best friend time, but if I’m completely honest, I REALLY needed the excitement that can only come from a 3 and 9 year old who haven’t seen you in 4 months and also think you’re pretty damn cool. (Excuse me….3 and a half and 9 and a half….we’re at the age where these half years are important!)
Of course dining with children means the 5 star, hole in the wall random place you found on Yelp in the shady part of town is out of the question, so the ever favorite of children it was…IHop, where there is a perpetual 15 minute wait, no matter what time or day you go. Surprisingly enough, the very hungry, and slightly tired kids were amazingly patient and very well behaved while waiting for a table. Then they were just as well behaved during the entire meal, and as anyone who has ever gone anywhere with a tired, hungry toddler knows, this is nothing short of a victory.
Meals were eaten in peace, and we all had a great time. Then the 9 year old decided he was ready to be done with lunch and wanted to wash his hands, and announced that he wanted me to take him, not his dad. Score one for me. (Actually, I rank pretty high on the cool meter with these kids every time we get together, so this wasn’t a surprise.) While I was waiting for him to come out of the bathroom, a very sweet woman told me “I’ve been watching your cute family, and just wanted to let you know that it’s a joy to see children who can behave in restaurants without needing electronics to occupy them.” Rather than explain to her that this wasn’t my cute family, I simply thanked her.
Later that afternoon, I thought of how incredibly difficult it was sometimes to take my own toddler to a restaurant, and how it never failed that EVERYONE noticed when he was naughty, and I was struggling with him, and always had unsolicited advice or condemning glares and thought just how nice it would have been to hear good things once in a while. So…I did what anyone should do in that situation. I sent a message to my best friend’s ex wife and told her that her children, her tired and hungry children, were perfectly behaved in the restaurant, and that they were an absolute joy to be around, because moms need to know when their kids are amazing. It’s not the first time I’ve done this…I always reach out to her when I’ve spent time with her children to thank her for letting me do so, and to let her know about anything special we may have done. Call it mom code. Call it respect. Call it whatever you want, but it works, because she doesn’t hate me, and that makes it so I can continue to see my best friend’s adorable boys without any awkwardness.
Perhaps it was karma on my side after following mom code yesterday, because when I came to work this afternoon after getting back in to town, one of the girls I work with came up to me and said “I need to tell you something.” She continued, “I know you’re worried because most of the people your son hangs out with are little shits. But he was the only one of them that came with his friend’s dad to help me move yesterday. His friend said ‘Why should I go; this doesn’t benefit me at all’ but your son came and spent all day helping me get moved, and I just wanted you to know he really is a good kid.”
I cried, because I really needed to hear something like that. Moms need to know that their kids are good humans. Single moms REALLY need to hear it. This parenting thing is SO hard, and things like this make it just a little bit easier sometimes. So do a mom (or dad) a favor, and when you notice something good about their children, tell them. You never know what kind of hell they were going through before that, and every parent needs a victory once in a while.
So Happily Never After 