Tell me I’m not the only one who read that title and was immediately transported back to high school, because the whole damn cheer is running through my head right now. B E A G G R E S S I V E. Be aggressive. B E Aggressive. And if it wasn’t going through yours yet, it’s stuck there now. You’re welcome.
I was talking with a friend a few days ago about why dating in this day and age seems so much easier for guys than it is for girls. I mean, there’s a whole lot of creeps out there, and I feel like the general consensus is that guys are far less likely to meet them, and unfortunately more likely to be them. That makes the idea of dating just overwhelming, and a little scary, which is more or less why this person said she was glad she is married and doesn’t have to navigate this world of dating. Then we were talking about a mutual friend of ours, who dating doesn’t seem to bother. Her exact words were “He seems to love it.” I feel exactly the opposite about it. I don’t love it. I don’t even particularly like it most days. Why? Because the vast majority of guys I’m meeting are just too mother f-wording aggressive, and I can’t stand it.
Being aggressive is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, playfully assertive is kind of fun, but let me tell you, as this year comes to an end, I’m soooooo over the scary aggressive guys, and there is definitely a difference. Like, deleted all dating apps and have started the process of accepting the fact that I’m probably going to just have to get used to being the weird celibate one who lives alone forever, over aggressive guys, because I REALLY need a break from the BS. I know…this seems completely contradictory to the usual “I just want someone to make the first move and follow the F through with it once in a while.” Ask me out, plan something and then actually follow through with that shit instead of a constant “we should get together some time” followed by weeks of radio silence. THAT I don’t have a problem with.
Here’s where I have the issue with aggressive dudes. In the tail end of 2017, I was sexually harassed….OK, actually, it was assault. I was sexually assaulted by someone who I’ve known for my entire life. That has screwed with me for 13 months now. Thirteen months have passed, and I’m STILL messed up from that and questioning every single action people take, and avoiding situations that I used to love, look forward to, and thrive in. I still tried to trust new people last year though, and it backfired on me more times than I ever would have imagined. Here’s a small sample:
- I had someone tell me that they would love to find out where I lived so they could show up at my house and work out some fantasies whether I wanted to participate or not.
- I had someone tell me it was rude of me to not travel 6 hours out of my way on a weekend to spend the night with them after casual small talk over the course of 24 hours prior to the request.
- I had a “friend” show up at the hotel I was staying at, demanding to be let up to my room, who was turned away by some very attentive hotel staff. (It pays to consistently stay at the same place and make friends with the staff!)
- Again with hotel weirdness, I had a guy demand that I fake sick and have my friends go to dinner without me so he could come meet me at a hotel while I was on a weekend girl’s trip.
- I had someone tell me they wanted to get to know me better, then got upset with me when I told him I had something going on at the moment because “You talk on the radio like you’re single, and that’s just not cool to tease people like that if you’re really in a relationship.” (Um, excuse me, but I said I had something going on, not that I was in a relationship, and besides, I work in an entertainment industry, and if I want to keep my private life a little private, that’s none of your damn business!)
- I had yet another person tell me they wanted to take me to dinner, because they want to get to know the girl on the radio. I told this person I appreciated the offer, but I had something going on at the moment. They said “Dang, my timing sucks,” and then proceeded to wait less than 72 hours before telling me I needed to go to dinner with them, and 2 days after that, and 2 days after that, and 2 days after that. Hey…here’s a novel idea…maybe respect my boundaries enough to understand that when I say “I have something going on right now” that doesn’t mean “You should ask me every other day to see if I’ve changed my mind yet, because the grown ass man equivalent of ‘Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom’ might work instead of annoying the ever loving hell out of me.” (And for the record…I don’t do dinner on a first date with someone I don’t know anyway. It’s always coffee, lunch, or brunch, so there’s a guaranteed way out if I don’t like the way things are playing out.)
Here’s the deal. If you’re going to act like a crazy, possessive, overly aggressive ass while you’re just contacting me through an app, I’m sure as hell not going to give you my phone number and let you know where I live. Despite what you may think, that’s not just me being a bitch; no girl in her right mind is going to do that. I’m already a little on edge with you knowing where I work, and feeling relieved that I have friends in every single level of law enforcement and the criminal justice system, and yes, they will run a quick background check on you for me if I ask them.
On behalf of single people everywhere, stop being so creepy, so dating can stop being so scary!