Last week was my birthday. I don’t typically even like to acknowledge the fact that I’m getting old, much less celebrate it, but this year was different, only because we used it as an excuse for an epic girls getaway. Well, as epic as a girls getaway can get when you have 30 hours available for it anyway. Still, it was amazing. We ate the most delicious food, enjoyed some wine tastings, did some winter hiking in the Colorado National Monument, and just left feeling completely restored and rested.
Actually, the other two-thirds of our trio was rested, I was dealing with some wicked insomnia and took the opportunity to tinder in a new state instead. I learned something new while tindering in Colorado though. Apparently smoking copious amounts of marijuana makes me hot AF! Let me clarify this, I wasn’t smoking copious amounts of marijuana, but rather these guys who smoke copious amounts of the stuff think I am, in their words:
- Holy shit, you’re hot
- The only way you’re a solid 2 is if this is on a scale of 0-1
- Can you move here already?
- I’d go Harvey Weinstein on you
- 10/10 would smash
- I bet you never pay for your own drinks (Fun fact: no guy has EVER paid for my drinks at a bar.)
- I’d let you come home with me, and I don’t sleep with ugly women
Cool huh? So the THC level in your body directly affects my attractiveness. Nice. Actually, I already had my assumptions on this one, thanks to the year 2016, but I was 100% good with this theory NOT being confirmed.
Still, it’s good to know that if I need a quick boost to the old self-esteem, all I need to do is tinder in Colorado, except none of that nonsense means ANYTHING to me. I mean, sure it’s fun to hear (maybe not the Harvey Weinstein comment from a stranger though; that’s a little rapey), but it literally means nothing. Why? Because I don’t believe a word of it. You can say whatever you want about my appearance, and I won’t believe you mean it, because I don’t see it, and I’m going to write it off thinking you’re drunk, high, delusional, or desperate.
Want to know how to REALLY get inside my head? How to tell me something that I’m going to believe? Here are two of the BEST compliments I’ve ever received:
- You are definitely not the typical *insert small town I live in* girl.
- You’re not a typical person. Male or otherwise. Not many people I’ve ever come across understand the world in a clear way like you. No matter how you joke, it seems reality doesn’t escape you, which I believe to be a very, very rare thing.
Both of these compliments came from people who really don’t know much about me. I mean, they have a slight advantage over these people from tinder, and the dude from the bar, who throw out their pick up lines after a few minutes of back and forth messages or chatting, but these two compliments are MILES above the comments about my appearance, and I think I can speak for most girls when I say, if you want to make a lasting impression, don’t compliment my appearance, because I won’t believe it. Compliment my character or my mind, because I am brilliant, and I’ll appreciate that you notice that.